Im really sorry everyone.

I was hoping my next journal would be something more cheerful but right now this is the only I can let it out.

I know I havent been on much, especially when some of you have needed me... but I think I need an official break. Im still deciding about it. I have to see what is going to happen in the next few days first. I'll let you guys know when I can.

Yesterday and going on through the night, something bad happened... REALLY bad!

Im not gonna go into details since I cant exactly go public about it but I will say this...

My father is a complete fucking asshole!! And thats a soft way of putting it!!!

I have my "FIVE" year old sister to thank who has made me remain calm all night. To prevent the worse for her, Ive had to keep smiling, pull faces, make funny noises and play music to keep her distracted and happy, even though she was aware of what was going on. She's so brave for someone so young.

But by the time the lights went off and it was time to sleep, all the hate and rage was flooding in for me.
But I think another reason why I was so calm even though my head was screaming is because I wasnt surprised about what happened.

I need a friend to talk to. I need to let out more than just parts of the story and how Im really feeling. Ive been avoiding saying how I truely feel to my family coz I know it will make things worse for them. Maybe if things end up the way they probably will, I will finally be able to say what Ive been holding in for years, but I dont know for sure.

...I just cant believe this incident, leading to what obviously will happen later, happened 2 weeks before my birthday. I feel fine about it, but its my family that feels guilty about it.

God!! Why do fathers suck!!!???

No offence to the good ones out there who are actually THERE for their family...

Hello everyone.

How have you all been?

Ive been feeling so bad that I havent been able to go through everyone's deviations and journals. Most of all with how slow Ive been with the Request & Gift list I promised to get on with for you all. Im so sorry everyone!

Ive been spending less and less time on the computer for a long time and I only come on at night nowadays, so by the time I try to get on with things, I have to come off the computer and go to sleep.

Not that I think anyone misses me, but I hope you all understand.

On the side for those who have been wondering, my leg is getting better. The next day after I saw the doctor the problem went up to my thighs and they felt tight; especially when Ive had to kneel down. But thanks to going out for walks and doing exercises, it got better after 2 days and back down to my knee again lol. Now all I have is just a faint feeling in my knee but unlike before, I barely feel it at all.

...On the other side, Ive been playing Ratchet and Clank 3 for the first time in years and Ive forgotten how awesome it is. The humour is funny too
Tidus's VA does Ratchet a lot better than the original VA in R&C1...no offence to him.

Happy Halloween everyone!

Hope everyone's had a good time this year ^-^

Hey guys!

Hows everyone been doing?

Well, I saw my GP today (and I didnt have to wait 3 hours despite booking an appointment for once, yay! ).

According to his examination with my knee, 1 of the muscles there is slightly loose, causing it and the others to rub against the bones, explaining why its been going funny lately. I have to come back in 2 months to see how it goes and if its still the same, I'll have to go to the hospital for X-rays and possibly for surgery.

But the good thing is, because the feeling is very faint, the doctor believes the condition in my case isnt serious and all I need to do is just keep it active with plenty of exercises and my leg should be alright within a month.

I for one hate going to hospitals, so its pretty obvious what I'll be doing for the next couple of weeks lol

I should do squats like Cloud & Zack

Hey guys.

Sorry about my absence.

I havent been feeling well at all lately, plus my right knee's been going funny since Friday night. I went to the doctors today and saw the nurse. She says she couldnt feel anything but theoretically thinks it could be the bones trying to fuse, so Ive got an appointment with my GP booked next week for further investigation and a blood test.

Its probably nothing but you never know. Better to be safe than sorry.

I'll try to keep up with these messages even though Im not sure how often I'll be on the computer atm, I may even come off soon if my stomach feels worse.

XP Blehhh...