Im really sorry everyone.

I was hoping my next journal would be something more cheerful but right now this is the only I can let it out.

I know I havent been on much, especially when some of you have needed me... but I think I need an official break. Im still deciding about it. I have to see what is going to happen in the next few days first. I'll let you guys know when I can.

Yesterday and going on through the night, something bad happened... REALLY bad!

Im not gonna go into details since I cant exactly go public about it but I will say this...

My father is a complete fucking asshole!! And thats a soft way of putting it!!!

I have my "FIVE" year old sister to thank who has made me remain calm all night. To prevent the worse for her, Ive had to keep smiling, pull faces, make funny noises and play music to keep her distracted and happy, even though she was aware of what was going on. She's so brave for someone so young.

But by the time the lights went off and it was time to sleep, all the hate and rage was flooding in for me.
But I think another reason why I was so calm even though my head was screaming is because I wasnt surprised about what happened.

I need a friend to talk to. I need to let out more than just parts of the story and how Im really feeling. Ive been avoiding saying how I truely feel to my family coz I know it will make things worse for them. Maybe if things end up the way they probably will, I will finally be able to say what Ive been holding in for years, but I dont know for sure.

...I just cant believe this incident, leading to what obviously will happen later, happened 2 weeks before my birthday. I feel fine about it, but its my family that feels guilty about it.

God!! Why do fathers suck!!!???

No offence to the good ones out there who are actually THERE for their family...